To the girl who feels like she is just not enough…

We all have secret questions. 

Am I worthy of love?

Am I capable?

Am I beautiful?

How should we respond to these unspoken questions pounding in our head?

How should we speak to our heart?

I just talked with my husband about my personal insecurities. He is such a great listener and gave me words which mean more to me than gold. Yes, ladies, you can be vulnerable with your husband! Vulnerability means that you open yourself up for people to see you clearly. You don’t have to hold down all hell on the inside while looking like heaven on earth on the outside. You can show him your pain and insecurities, and he will not love you any less. You can be exposed, real, and revealed, and still be loved.

This rings true for any valuable friendship.

Here is me being vulnerable. 

I have many beautiful girlfriends! From my childhood, I have held to a core value of cheering for the greatness in others. It is now natural for me to celebrate my friend’s beauty, their personalities, and their intelligence. But after I began to date my husband Raj I started to compare myself to the hundreds of beautiful and talented girls at our school. I believe everyone is worthy of love, but at the time I was afraid of losing it. If someone gets to know the real Laurel on such a close level, would they accept me? I never talked about my insecurities with anyone so the heavy weight of feeling undesirable began to turn its ugly head on me. I could still celebrate others, but in a sick self-sabotage I turned on myself and forgot to celebrate my own beauty and worth. This was a difficult and painful time and what made it last was that I did not ask for help! I did not fully understand the negative impact these untended feelings would have on my self-worth. Since this time, I have spent the past two years healing and working through those short months of emotions which I never addressed.

Today, after my husband listened to me explain all these things he told me two powerful truths.

Untangle The Rope! 

First, it is important to open up about our feelings from the beginning. If you untangle your headphones each day, even though they may get in a mess again the next day, the maintenance serves you. But if you have a long and tangled rope reaching through the years of your life it can take you a long time to process through each knot. It is more valuable to sort through your feelings immediately than to leave them sitting for years. Truth!

Comparison Steals!  

Second, if you receive a bouquet of multiple varieties of flowers like roses, lotus, daisies, honeysuckles, cosmos, and snapdragons you would not call one more beautiful than the one next to it. They all have a unique and exquisite beauty because of their individual design. The lotus does not look like the cosmos, but they are both beautiful. The beautiful and strong woman around you do not diminish your beauty! Just because you think someone else is amazing does not mean that you are any less. 

After hearing this, I realized that my self-destructive perspective was based in a poverty mentality. I believed if one girl was beautiful, that meant that I was not. If one girl stood up and shined, I could celebrate her and lift her up but I would push myself down. These are all lies and are not worth believing.

What does this mean for you? 

As a royal, powerful woman of God, you can shine along with the brightest. Your light cannot dim. Your light only gets more brilliant when it shines next to other amazing and strong woman. Surround yourself with powerful woman because greatness fuels more greatness. Their life, talents, beauty, and strength was never meant to intimidate you but to pull you higher. 

I challenge myself and all you brave woman to expose any lies which come by talking with someone about it. And the most valuable thing we can do is to ask God to speak His perspective and love into us.

I live in India surrounded by people who only speak Tamil. Because of my isolation, I was forced to open up to my husband about my increasing anxiety. This loneliness helped me break the isolation in my heart. And I am so thankful for this season because it has helped me to become best friends with my husband.

Girl, find someone who you can open up with about your life and emotions. Never lock yourself in. Ask God what He thinks about you. Trust me, He is head over heels in love with you. He believes in you! To Him you are unforgettable, you are gifted to change your world, you are not outshined, and you are a one of a kind beauty.